She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
