and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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