You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
