Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
