So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
