The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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