I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
