Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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