I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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