all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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