And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
