Already got asked if we're dating
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
