i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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