Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
