THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
