theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
