Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
