I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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