You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
