and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
love makes seman taste better
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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