yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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