I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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