This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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