First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
