I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
