Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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