dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
