no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you win again, gameday.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
