I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
