is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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