I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
should my penis look like a turkey
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
