I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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