we made out on top of his cat.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize