We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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