Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
