so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
