she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
we're chasing vodka with high fives
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize