Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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