so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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