tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
