You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i think i have two assholes
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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