please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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