so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
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