for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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