if i can run in heels then i can drive
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
