Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
