his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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