she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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