I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
