My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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