I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
