This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
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after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
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The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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