i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
3 2 1 whiskey
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
