It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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