Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
