i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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